Blessings from Heaven

Surrogacy the way I see it...

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Traditional Surrogacy....A Personal Journey!

I remember when I first decided to become a surrogate and I was faced with the question...gestational or traditional?  After researching both, I was definitely all for gestational surrogacy.  I mean, come one, who could carry their own genetic material and then just give it away.  I definitely wasn't one of THOSE women!!  

So the time came and my husband and I meet the couple and I just fell in love with them.  They were warm, loving...everything I hoped they would be.  The intended mother had been on meds to try to stimulate her ovaries and the next day we went to the doctor together so she could have her blood work and ultrasound done, and so I could have the hystoslpingogram and all the other needed medical screening.  We were so excited that in the very near future we were going to transfer a couple of embryos!!  My husband and I sat in the doctors office and waited for the couple to finish their meeting with the doctor and I saw the look on the intended mothers face when she walked out of the back room.  They had just told her that she had not produced any follicles and she would have to choose an egg donor.  She was devastated.  

My husband and I went and sat outside and I am not quite sure what came over me, but I turned to my husband and said...." I want offer my eggs."  Wide-eyed he replied, ...."ummm, are you sure you can do that?".  "Sure I can, we aren't having any more children, so why not....!" I remarked without hesitation.  After making that statement, I remember tilting my head to the side, slightly closing my eyes and under my breath saying a little prayer...I said..."God...if this is something you know I cannot handle, you know that will break me, please close these doors." And I was content.  

Later on that evening, when we were having dinner, the waiter commented that we must be sisters...You would be amazed how much the intended mother and I looked alike. And it was even more unexpected because this was supposed to be a gestational arrangement.  At this point I truly believed, with all that was within me, that I was placed in their life for this purpose.

We were all on the way back to the hotel because my husband and I would be flying home the next day, I had to cease the opportunity to tell them before our time was through.  I knew I couldn't just blurt out..."Guess what, you can use my eggs!".  This was a sad time for them and I needed to be delicate in my wording, and as they discussed choosing a donor and how they were not sure how long that would take, I said that if they had a hard time finding a donor, my husband I spoke about it and I would be willing to donate as well as carry.  The car fell silent...oh crap, what did I just do.  I waited for them to pull the car over and leave me there, but they did just the opposite.  They were very excited and a little nervous at the possibility, but of course we had to speak with the agency first.

So needless to say, they didn't even look at donors and we were on our way!!  I was on the meds and they retrieved a 15 or so eggs and then a few days later, they placed 3 embryos in my uterus.  Two weeks later we had a positive pregnancy test!!  

I have to tell you that when I was a surrogate, I chose not tell anyone that I was a traditional surrogate.  They all knew I was a surrogate but I did not decide until later to disclose this to my Mom and Dad.  But so there I was, pregnant and I never really had the desire to rub my belly (although I did play him Mozart and read aloud frequently) or to visit the baby stores or to look at baby clothes as I did when I was pregnant with my own children. I knew I was there to nurture this baby and to take care of myself....and that is just what I did.  

I was so excited for them...for the journey they were on, for all the discoveries they would make and how much they were going to fall in love.  This child was born in their heart long before it was place in my belly.  Some people might think it is cold for woman to be able to carry a baby that is half her genetic material and then just give it away, but I never allowed myself the fantasy and honestly never had the yearning to. 

I was induced and to me it was imperative that the couple be there for his arrival...it was their turn now and they held him every so delicately as if he would break...so precious. After the journey was over, they went home and life went on. Everything feel in place just like it was supposed to and I was overjoyed for them.  I never felt as though I had this irreparable loss and I never once regretted the decision I made and I did not disillusion myself that they would send letters and pictures.  I completely expected them to want to forget those painful chapters of their lives and just move forward.

After my surrogacy journey and I began an agency of my own, I felt as though I could speak with the surrogates on a different level.  I could help prepare and walk them through this process like few woman could.  In fact, our very first surrogacy was a traditional arrangement.  I kept the surrogate fully aware of what she might feel emotionally, gave her pointers of what to avoid and always reminded her of how strong she was!  I have to tell you, I learned a lot going through that with her.  I really felt like I had done my job when after the baby was born and I was in her hospital room alone with her and I said okay, how are you doing...and she said to me,"Sarah, you really helped me through this.  I am so appreciative that you gave me such great advice." I could only think..."Wow, this girl is strong.  Wish I was like that!" .....guess maybe I am! 



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7 Comments:

Blogger Sharon said...

Awesome post! It's amazing what paths we end up taking...we intend to go one way and end up on the opposite direction and finding ourselves happier with the current situation then we ever could have been with our original plans! You go girl! Your IP's are SO lucky to have found you!

July 30, 2008 at 10:52 PM  
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June 24, 2011 at 7:28 AM  
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May 3, 2012 at 7:09 AM  
Blogger Muhammad Amir said...

This was a sad time for them and I needed to be international surrogacy delicate in my wording, and as they discussed choosing a donor and how they were not sure how long that would take,

February 11, 2013 at 10:16 AM  
Anonymous prasad said...

It was really a nice post.

November 18, 2015 at 2:35 AM  

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